THIS PAGE BE DEDICATED TO ME OLDE SHIPMATES...
AND THEIR NASTY HABITS!

Life as a pirate was generally a savage struggle for survival, which many pirates lost after just a few months or years at sea.  They had to put up with STINKING DAMP, LEAKY, CREAKY, CRAMPED, DANGEROUS conditions, that was if the boat didn't sink, or if you didn't get blown to pieces, stabbed, drowned, marooned on an island or eaten by sharks!

SARDINES
Ships were always overcrowded because they carried more crew than they were built for because they had to outnumber their intended victims.  There would often be as many as 250 smelly bad-tempered pirates, all squidged together as they tried to work, sleep, play and slay.

DECK SOUP
Pirates had lots of bad habits, including spitting and because pirates had rotten teeth and gums, their saliva was spectacularly putrid and colourful.  This spit would mix with the rainwater on the decks and then ferment, turning into a disgusting toxic soup that sloshed around on the ship as it swayed this way and that.  Royal Navies and Sailors would scrub their decks every day, however pirates, being lazy good-for-nothings, would be content to splash around in the gloop.

A DROP IN THE OCEAN
Toilets? Forget it!  There aren't any.  If a pirate needs the toilet, he has to walk out onto an overhanging platform and tiddle in the sea, (checking which way the wind's blowing!).  If a pirate needed to sit down to relieve himself, he would go to the bow of the boat, and perch on a plank with holes cut in it.

SLEEPING
When the weather was stormy (quite often), the pirates would sleep all together on the inside decks, with the hatches closed.  This meant they were 'cheek to cheek' with dozens of snoring, sweaty unwashed pirates.  In addition to their industrial strength BO, they'll be breathing in each other's chronic bad breath, not to mention the pongy gases that would explode from their personal plumbing systems at regular noisy intervals.   As the ship would rock from side to side, the pirates would be rocking and rolling on hard, damp and mouldy timbers, as mice, rats, cockroaches and fleas energetically investigate the pirate's unpleasant nooks and crannies.

THE BILGES
The bilges are at the very bottom of the boat and quickly fill up with slimy water, rotten fish and meat, decaying fruit and vegetables and human waste.  The air down there would eventually become so poisonous that it would be impossible to breathe.  The pirates would have to take turns working the bilge pumps which have to be operated constantly to keep the boat afloat.

WEATHER
Pirates turned blue from being soaked in the winter storms and would shiver from head to toe because their one piece of clothing that they owned would be soaking wet.  And at nightime, when the seas are raging, they were expected to climb the rigging in pitch darkness, hanging on with one frozen hand, while the other hand adjusts the sails.  One slip and they could be hurled into the icy seas or their body smashed into pieces on the deck below.  The pirates could also be grilled by the tropical sun, which would beat down on them, day after day, turning their skin red raw and their lips dry and parched.